So, you might be surprised to learn that I talk to myself. I don’t talk to myself in the way you might think. For example, some people I know talk out loud as if someone else is there, but no one is there. I find it kind of spooky when I run into that. Imagine walking into the house and hearing someone speaking to someone else, but you find that there is no one else in the room or the house. Who are they talking to? And why does it sound so natural for them to be carrying on a conversation with the air?
No, I talk to myself in my mind. As a matter of fact, I have full-on conversations in my mind. Sometimes I can make myself angry because of what someone in my mind says. Here is how it works: In my department, about 20 of us, we have weekly meetings. I might imagine a departmental meeting in my mind. I will create a subject, and everyone will speak and react the way I think they would in real life. Sometimes I do this in preparation of an upcoming meeting, but other times it is random. The funny thing is, I have always done this, ever since I was a little kid. The only difference between now and when I was a little kid is that my lips would move as I imagined conversations in my head. I think many people, especially my family found this to be annoying. Imagine seeing some kid’s lips moving as if he is talking to someone, but no sound is coming out of his mouth. You might find that weirder than the out-loud conversation described above. Now when I talk in my mind I am better at NOT moving my mouth.
Why am I writing about this? I don’t know really, other than the fact that I got really mad this morning because of what someone said in my head. It took a moment to realize that the person was a figment of my imagination and I really did not have a good reason to be angry. After all, it was just in my own mind.
No funny ending today, but a friend of mine did say something to me in a discussion about students and their work towards graduation that I hope to always remember: “You can have anything you want, but you can’t have it any way you want it.” I like that. I’m just sayin’ …